California has this incredible system for dealing with the housing shortage.

First…

they count how many houses we need.

Not build them.

Count them.

Very important distinction.

They study population growth.

Income.

Overcrowding.

Vacancy rates.

Future growth.

Regional needs.

Housing needs.

Special needs.

And eventually somebody comes out of an office carrying a 400-page report and announces:

“GOOD NEWS! We have conclusively determined that we don’t have enough housing!”

No shit.

But now it’s official.

Now we have a PDF.

And this isn’t just any PDF.

This is an eight-year PDF.

Because apparently every eight years we have to check and make sure…

that the houses we didn’t build last time…

are still missing.

Then the state gives the number to the regional government.

The regional government divides it up.

Then they send each city its share.

The city looks at the number and says:

“Holy crap! We need 10,000 houses!”

So naturally…

they build 10,000 houses.

HAHAHAHA!

No.

They hire planners.

The planners make another plan.

Then there are studies.

Environmental studies.

Traffic studies.

Water studies.

Sewer studies.

Infrastructure studies.

Economic studies.

Market studies.

Feasibility studies.

Public meetings about the studies.

Consultants explaining the studies.

Consultants studying whether the previous consultants properly studied the studies.

Then we identify parcels.

We change zoning.

We make maps.

We draw diagrams.

We create goals.

Policies.

Programs.

Timelines.

Objectives.

Implementation measures.

And eventually everybody stands around a PowerPoint presentation and announces:

“We have successfully created enough theoretical capacity for the housing!”

Fantastic!

Where are the houses?

Whoa, whoa, whoa…

Nobody said anything about building them.

See… that’s the genius of the system.

California can make damn sure you’ve got a Housing Element.

They can make sure you’ve identified the land.

They can make sure you’ve zoned the land.

They can make sure you’ve filed the report.

They can make sure you’ve updated the plan.

They can make sure you’ve planned to implement the plan that implements the previous plan.

But eventually somebody asks the developer:

“So… are you going to build this affordable housing?”

And the developer talks to the contractor.

The contractor talks to the bank.

The bank talks to the investors.

Everybody gets out a calculator…

and…

“Nope. Doesn’t pencil out.”

Well, SHIT.

Apparently the homeless forgot to become profitable.

So the project doesn’t get built.

But don’t worry!

Because California has a solution.

Eight years later…

WE COUNT IT AGAIN!

“Ladies and gentlemen… after another extensive analysis, we have discovered…

WE STILL DON’T HAVE ENOUGH FUCKING HOUSES.”

Really?

The 10,000 houses we planned…

but didn’t finance…

and didn’t build…

didn’t somehow materialize?

Who could’ve predicted this?

Apparently not the planners.

So we start again.

New projections.

New numbers.

New reports.

New meetings.

New consultants.

New housing element.

New map.

New promises.

It’s like Groundhog Day…

except Bill Murray is homeless…

and every morning he wakes up holding another housing-needs assessment.

And while we’re waiting for all these houses to someday become financially attractive enough to actually exist…

don’t worry.

We’ve created an entirely separate industry to manage everybody who doesn’t have one.